Friday, January 17, 2014

one day older. one day wiser.

Today marks the start of my 28th year of life. Every year I take out my imaginary "getting older" to-do list to check off boxes and write in new ones--yes I'm a OCD planner and I'm not one bit sorry about it! Having a birthday so close to New Year's Day is like killing two birds with one stone. I get a 2 week extension on "resolutions". ;)

On January 17th I ask myself if I'm getting somewhere, am I making progress.. overall, am I happy? The answer is yes to all of the above. In many ways I feel "ahead" of schedule, clear and heading in the right direction; but there are definite areas in my life that I'm confused about and feel as though they're going at a snail's pace--and that's ok! [sometimes]. I get that everything can't be perfect. Life wouldn't be exciting without some twists and turns, and unforeseen surprises (be them good or bad, or a mixture of both!)

I know I'm still young (right?), but with an end to my 20s [somewhat] in sight, I can't help but feel kind of old! I mean when I think about my worries today, they're pretty damn grown up. 

But, luckily I'm young enough to still dream big. Today is not a mark of another day gone by, but my youth. Taylor took a photo of me this morning and as I stare back at that me, I realize this photo does not mark an age, but a time. I have so much life ahead of me. In many ways it's only just beginning, or at least a start to a new chapter--I'll title it, "Ok so I'm a grown up, now what?". 

I have only a few things to add to my "getting older" list this year.  I [hope] to be better about living in the moment. Embrace feeling [really] confused sometimes. Embrace moments of clarity. Embrace the happy times as well as the sad.  Embrace my imperfections and faults, as well as embrace my talents. I also want to live life as I please without fear of judgement. Now, I'm not going to go out and be wild & reckless, but more this: I'm going to be better about speaking up when I feel strongly about something, asking for what want (without fear of rejection), take a "#selfie" if I damn well please, cry if I need to, laugh when I want to, and just let things come as they will. 

I'm feeling good about this year. It's going to be a good one.

Here's to seizing the moment. Happy Birthday to me!

Monday, January 13, 2014

its been a while..

well well.. its been a while since i've been around these parts...

it was a crazy end to 2013.. and a bit of a rough start into '14. with all the ups, and downs, the ins and outs, i continue on this journey called life taking things as they come.  i have to be honest and say i wasn't on the "Yay 2014" bandwagon -- at least not until recently.  i couldn't really put my finger on it, but felt like i had unfinished business with 2013...

as many of you know, my dad became gravely ill this past september and everything, everything happened so quickly, and perhaps the abruptness of it all made me feel like i wasn't done with 2013. it is just in the past few days that i've been able to take a step back and say "wow i can't believe all that my family and i have gone through". from his illness, to moving him down from fresno, to his finances, it has all been a growing experience. i can't even begin to explain all that i had to do. the list goes on and on.  everyone said "i can't believe youre handling so much while working your butt of full-time -- working late, traveling nearly every weekend for work".. but you got to do what you go to do. there was no time for complaining or falling apart. i learned that i am stronger than i give myself credit for, and today i can say im proud of myself.

i've always had a special relationship with my dad -- i'm his only daughter! we didnt have the father-daughter relationship that a lot of people have.. but we had one and it was good. growing up my dad was in many ways a stranger. i never really knew him. he worked a lot and was a bit private, but he was warm and i always knew he loved me.  we're both quiet people so i never really knew what to talk about with him & i had so many questions but didn't know how to ask--sometimes this bothered me and sometimes it didnt. the past 5 months my dad and i talk nearly every day. he feels less like a stranger and more like my dad. though the situation wasn't ideal, his illness has brought me closer to him and i feel blessed. i'm not too religious but i found comfort in prayer and letting go.  sometimes things are out of our control and i believe there is a Higher Power that we need to trust in sometimes. the biggest thing i learned in 2013 is FAITH. FAITH in myself, my ability, my strength, my dad, family, my friends and in God.

while all this was going on, i struggled with some other personal things in my life which are working themselves out as well. i see a light at the end of the tunnel!

today.. january 13, 2014.. i am happy--  i'm happy to say that my dad is doing much better and is home. he's relearning how to walk and looks healthier and healthier day by day.

i'm looking forward to a birthday in 4 days and I am as prepared as can be to take on the year -- i have FAITH that 2014 is going to be a good one.

so i know its a bit late.. but Happy New Year!

xo, Chelsea